The Tragic Story of Eddie Gaedel
If you have had an interest in baseball for a while, you surely know the story of Eddie Gaedel. For those of you who haven’t heard of him and don’t know the story, Gaedel was a midget, all of three feet eight inches tall, who played one game of Major League baseball.
Much is known of that day on August 19, 1951. The 26-year-old Gaedel stepped up to the plate for the St. Louis Browns against the Tigers as the first batter in the second game of a doubleheader. Wearing number 1/8, he walked on four straight pitches from Bob Cain. He was pinch-run for by Jim Delsing and his career ended as abruptly as it had started.
Eddie was not of course a career baseball player. He appeared in the game as a promotion concocted by Browns owner Bill Veeck.
Ordinarily, the story would end there. Stories about ex-major leaguers who played in only one game are not newsworthy, even the story of a pint-sized player. Nobody bothered to find out much about Gaedel after his fifteen minutes of fame. Nobody could tell you about Eddie the man instead of Eddie the ballplayer which is forever inscribed into the game’s annals.
But the story of Eddie Gaedel the man is worth telling.
After his famous game, St. Louis baseball writer Bob Broeg found him and started asking him questions. The first few questions were routine and Gaedel gave routine answers. Broeg then told him that he was what he always wanted to be, an ex-big leaguer. Eddie then became very proud of himself. The men shook hands and that was it.
Bob Fishel was the Brown’s publicist and spent a few days with Eddie before the game, the only baseball man to have a chance to know the man personally. “Veeck was looking for a midget, not a dwarf. When we saw him, there was no question that he was right. However, I didn’t think the world of him” without elaborating further.
Eddie appeared on several TV shows in the following weeks earning $17,000 a very large amount for those days. His playing contract had been for $100.
Three weeks after the game, on September 2, Eddie was arrested in Cincinnati for screaming obscenities. He tried to convince a policeman he was a big league player. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and released on a $25 bond. According to an interview with his mother Helen in 1971, Eddie’s tiny size had gotten him in trouble for a good part of his life.
Born in Chicago, his growth was stunted from the age of three by a thyroid condition. He was picked on as a kid according to his mother. He made it through high school and was an errand boy for Drover’s Daily Journal, a Chicago newspaper. He worked as the Buster Brown shoe man appearing at store openings in Chicago and St. Louis. He also worked in the Ringling Brothers Circus in the 50s and as a promotion man for Mercury Records but refused to go with the company to California because he was scared to go out.
In 1961, Veeck now the owner of the White Sox hired Gaedel and other midgets as salesmen in the box seats. This was because fans were complaining about vendors blocking their view.
The end was near however. Eddie was suffering from high blood pressure and enlarged heart. On June 18, 1961 he was mugged on a Southside Chicago street corner for the $11 he had with him. After the mugging, he apparently staggered home and died in his bed of a heart attack as paramedics were unable to revive him. The coroner reported he had bruises on his face and knees.
His mother, penniless and out of touch with her other children was devastated. Adding insult to injury, she was swindled out of Eddie’s bats and Browns uniform by a man claiming he was representing the Hall of Fame Museum. The only remnants the Hall of Fame has are pictures of his brief career with catcher Bob Swift on his knees to receive a head-high pitch.
Gaedel’s death attracted little notice. The only person connected with baseball who attended his funeral was Bob Cain. “I never even met him but I felt obligated to go” said Cain who was by then retired from baseball after a six-year career. “It kind of threw me for a loop that no other baseball people were there.”
Cain summed up Eddie’s life “It was a pretty sad situation. It’s a shame he had to die the way he did, but I guess he got in quite a bit of trouble off and on. He ended up with the wrong crowd.”
2012 Predictions Based Upon Numerology
2012 is the Year of Predictions and Prophecy. Never before has a moment in time stimulated so much conjecture and discussion. It is time to look at 2012 from a numerical standpoint and allow Numerology to provide additional insight and add to our understanding of things to come in the year 2012.
Each year we are dealing with a Universal Year Number which defines the energy that influences our experiences in that particular year.
2012 is a 5 Universal Year (2+0+1+2 =5).
The 5 represents change and without change, there is no growth. There certainly is an element of restlessness on the planet and, in some cases, resentment that change is not coming fast enough. People from all walks of life, in practically every country on the planet, are asking for change. The question is, will those in power listen?
There is a feeling of uncertainty about this year and that is quite normal in a 5 year. It is important in this year as we begin the process of making changes; we do it without aggression or burning the bridges behind us which can lead to regrets. The 5 represents progress, expansion and more freedom People will begin to become more open-minded and willing to accept new thoughts and ideologies. It is also a number that is strongly associated with sudden unexpected events and sometimes change that is not chosen, but rather simply happens and we are forced to deal with it. The 5 should bring about changes of major proportions in the world. We must learn to be adaptable and flexible as we navigate the new waters of our collective experience. September 2012 will be especially intense.
2012, without question, will be an exciting year. We have a major opportunity to make progress in the advancement of humanity. The time for change is now.
The following are potential trends for 2012 based upon Numerology and my personal insight:
Occupy Wall Street: This movement has felt limitations and restrictions in 2011 because the 4 Universal Year clings to conventional thinking but this will not be the case for 2012. The Occupy movement will expand in 2012. People from all walks of life will join this movement. I have major concern that riots will take place and there is a potential for violence if our leaders continue to try to suppress the movement. This movement, although not perfect, represents a shift in the collective consciousness and serves to shine a light upon truth and creating a better world that serves all mankind. It does create a forum to address the problems we have in this country which need change and because of that; I see no end to the movement.
On a Global, scale, protests will also accelerate and again, there is potential for violence.
Religion: Because the 5 is open-minded and seeks new ideas and philosophies, this year will bring even greater acceptance of spiritual philosophy. The shift in this thinking has already begun but this is the year that will expand it even further. People are looking for answers when it comes to their religious beliefs. What was once “New Age” will become mainstream.
Technology: The 5 is strongly associated with technology and new ideas so this should be a huge year for the advancement of technology.
Weather: The trend for unusual weather phenomenon will continue but I feel windstorms will make the headlines. Chicago and Texas should take note.
We have had relatively minor hurricane seasons for the past several years however this is about to change. I expect an active hurricane season and unlike the past few seasons, these will make landfall as hurricanes and cause damage. The East Coast is in for problems with major snowstorms this winter and flooding later in the year. There will be extended disruptions of electrical power due to the stormy weather not only in the East, but elsewhere as well. There will also be an increase in tornadoes in the usual places but Florida should remain vigilant.
Business: Bad news for the big banks, Bank of America, Chase and Citi Bank perhaps due to the backlash from unethical business practices as well as the cascading effects of failed investments due to the economy. Expect financial losses with these 3 companies. There will be a continued trend of people moving their money to local banks and credit unions. There will be huge developments with fraud charges with major companies next year. The bankruptcy of MF Global will be in the news not only for the economic ramifications but also for unethical procedure. Wall Street is feeling the effects of the economy and jobs will continue to disappear even in the financial district. Other companies that will experience hardship will be Sprint and Netflix. There is a chance the USA will have its credit rating downgraded again. Expect major financial news in March and December.
Sun: Yes we are entering the solar maximum and it is to be expected however next year, we can count on major geomagnetic storms of greater intensity and there may be a disruption of power or other effects that are severe. Solar events will make the headlines.
Accidents: This will be the year of accidents with trains, planes and automobiles. I do feel we will have several major plane crashes and train collisions or derailments. I can not rule out industrial or nuclear accidents as well. I can also see failures of infrastructure such as dams or bridges. The potential for additional repercussions due to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico are highly likely.
Earthquakes: The trend for larger than normal earthquakes will continue. Mother Earth is going through her cycles too.
Computer Hackers: There will be massive cyber attacks and computer sabotage. This will be big news in 2012. The internet is at risk in 2012.
The Sky is Falling: 2012 will be remembered for objects falling from the sky. I feel whether it is satellites, space stations or space junk, there will be major news and potentially a major accident due to debris falling from the skies. I can not rule out a meteor either.
Riots in Prisons: The call for change will also be seen in institutions that confine a person’s freedom. I think we will see major riots in prisons or hunger strikes.
Scandals: We have seen recent headlines having to do with sexual abuse and 2012 will bring more of this to light. Institutions, such as the Catholic Church, and individuals will be held accountable for covering up sexual abuse.
Economic: Food prices will continue to rise.There still will be no recovery for the housing market. High unemployment rates will continue and I believe possibly get worse with news of massive layoffs from big companies.
2012 Presidential Election: I expect an unexpected outcome from this election. A “Dark Horse’ candidate will win the election.
Travel: The 5 tends to place emphasis on travel so it should be a better than expected year for the travel industry. It also is strongly associated with change of residence and being that this vibration is on a global scale, I suspect people may have to relocate, perhaps because of natural disasters or a change in the area they are living.
Published 11/29/11
Top 12 Cool Interesting Facts About 2012
Aside from the obvious Mayan Calendar and Biblical references, there are also some interesting factoids spawning all over the web that would really add up to the end-of-the-world scenario. Some are interesting, some are funny, and most are just weirdly connected. Want to know them all?
1) The 2012 Olympics will be held in that great city of the World London.
2) NASA predicts that a great meteor will narrowly miss the earth in 2012.
3) The Vatican holds very closely to the Prophecy of St. Malachy. This Medieval Monk had described, one by one, a total of 112 popes until Doomsday. The current Pope, Benedict XVI is the 111th named Pope. Only one Pope remains. And he has a name: Peter the Roman.
4) There are exactly 2012 days between the June 20 2007 Summer solstice and the December 21 2012 Winter solstice.
5) It is anticipated that the last son of the KGB, Vladimir Putin, will return to rule Russia in 2012.
6) The Times News Network predicts that global financial markets will crash in 2012.
7) An elder of the New Zealand Maori reports that the Maoris have taught for centuries that the great curtain over the world will be “torn” in 2012.
According to numerology, every number has a corresponding letter associated with it. Reading the date as a number, 12-21-12, it translates into A-B-B-A-A-B. Reading it from left to right, it becomes BA ABBA. In Hebrew, a language read from left to right, it means “Father comes / Father is coming”.
9) Did you know that the Earth has a heartbeat? Yes! It is called the Schumann Cavity Resonance, the frequency of the Earth. Since its discovery up ’til 1986 the Earth’s “heartbeat” was a constant 7.8 Hertz per second. Since then it raised dramatically up to 10 Hertz per second, up to 1998. After that, magnetic properties of the Earth dramatically dropped and is expected to reach its zero point on… 2012.
10) When viewed from above, the layout of the three Giza Pyramids in Egypt coincides with the shape that will be assumed by the three stars which make up the belt of the constellation Orion on December 21, 2012.
11)World oil consumption is beginning to peak through the abuse and misuse of the earth’s natural resources, and it is predicted that oil consumption will peak in 2012.
12)The alignment of Sun, Moon and the earth on December 21, 2012 is significant because gravitational release of hidden asteroids can take place.
2012 and the Second Coming of Jesus Christ
The media has gone wild over the 2012 craze. This Mayan calendar thing has almost eclipsed the relevance of the Second Coming of Jesus. Are the two events one and the same? Is it possible that the Lord Jesus will use December 21, 2012 as the date of his return to the earth?
All speculation is vain, but there are some very important Bible facts that have not changed, even though many are, even as we speak, throwing out any and all Bible beliefs, and swallowing hook line and sinker all the Mayan Myths. Nostradamus, Church prophets, New Age Humanists, New World Order followers, and all the internet websites in the world cannot change the validity of the Bible.
1. The Bible does clearly teach that there is an end of the world, and an end of this present age. Men can deny it, try to dodge it, and defy the Bible all they want, but this old world will not last forever. It cannot. We are on a train track to eternity, and the engine is running full speed ahead.
2. The Bible tells us that Jesus’ first coming was all planned by God so that our sins could be paid for on the cross of Calvary. Christ did not come the first time to rule and reign…that wasn’t his plan. Mankind needed a Savior, and Jesus is He.
3. The Bible warns us that the second time Jesus comes, he is not coming as a sacrificial lamb, wounded and bleeding for our sins on the cross. Rather, at his next appearing, he is coming as the ruler of the universe to put down all evil. He will establish his kingdom on the earth.
4. We are told in Scripture that there will be a great battle at that second coming of Christ, as the armies of the world are gathered together unto the Valley of Megiddo. There, the battle of Armageddon will be fought. Christ will win, the new world order and its antichrist leader will be destroyed, and Jesus will set up his 1,000 year reign on the earth. This is when the lion will lie down with the lamb, a child will be able to play with a poisonous snake, and we will beat our swords into plows shears. Then, not until then, and only then will there be peace on earth.
5. There were many scoffers at the first coming of Christ. They did not believe that Jesus was the Messiah. But you have only to look at all the Bible prophecies fulfilled 100% accurately by Christ at his first coming to be convinced that he is indeed the promised one. At the end of this age, there are many who doubt that he will come again. There is nothing new here. But the amazing fact that Jesus Christ fulfilled hundreds of prophecies perfectly at his first coming (and no other person ever has or could), proves to us that he will fulfill all the prophecies perfectly of his second coming. It would be foolish to bet against such odds.
6. The date of Jesus’ second coming is not revealed in Scripture, and no one knows it now, either. Whatever happens on 12-21-2012, you can rest assured that some privileged few have not learned the date of His coming.
2012 Hairstyles
Top stylists have spoken and are predicting certain trends in 2012 hairstyles. They have their eyes on the catwalks, where models hair is styled by leading hair stylists who have their fingers on the pulse of the latest hairstyle trends. Many hairstyles this year are evolved from last years trends, styles such as the pixie cut remain ever popular, but in 2012 longer top sections are incorporated, to make the pixie cut more versatile. With a bit of length at the top, the pixie cut can be worn various ways, from slicking it back, using wet look gel, to spiking for added texture.
The catwalks have been trodden by many models wearing an androgynous look. Androgynous hairstyles are quite simple and plain, a little boyish, but worn with ultra feminine clothes. They can be short, slicked back or ruffled, they can also be long, tied back and again slicked back with wet look gel. The ruffled hairstyle is another look that is very on trend for 2012. Also known as the bedhead look, understated, with a look of little effort, that moves away from the ultra chic and perfectly styled glam looks of last year. Bedhead looks are still chic, but they give the impression of having taken less effort.
Another big look for 2012 hairstyles, is the Glamazon look. A fierce, strong look, characterised by bold hairstyles. Hair can be scraped back from the face quite severely and held in a high ponytail or top knot, several female celebrity singers wear their hair this way and it is a powerful look. Teamed with very fancy hair accessories such as feathers and jewelled bands, glamazon hairstyles look best worn with fancy, intricate and glamorous clothing styles.
Classic retro hairstyles continue to be popular, with finger waves and pin curls making a big comeback. This type of hair styling is much quicker and easier than it used to be, with the use of heated tongs and better holding products, a 40s wave can be created in minutes. For long hair, birds nest buns, as worn by Hollywood legends in bygone days, are fashionable. Backcombed hair is piled and fastened at the top of the head and the remaining strands waved and held firmly with hairspray.
From the 1970s, but brought up to date with the use of shine products and hair accessories, Charlies Angel hairstyles are big. These 2012 hairstyles are characterised by curls through the end lengths of the hair, leaving the top part straight and smooth. Many leading celebrities wear their hair this way, all it requires is an excellent blow dry and for the hair to be in excellent condition, as a shiny, sleek gloss to the curls is essential.
A few more styling tips for 2012 hairstyles, include the incorporation of shattered layers and kicks. Shattered layers, with uneven edges, soften and add volume to otherwise dull hair. Kicks can be added anywhere in any hairstyle by flicking up the ends using a hot tong, to add a fun edge to a look. Finally the peekaboo fringe is popular, eye skimming, blunt cut, bangs, that can be swept aside when needed, are the look of 2012.
2012 Yearly Calendar With Holidays – Mayan Calendar
Anxiety prevails in the 2012 yearly calendar. The thought of the world destruction has touched all souls. There are debates, controversies, theories regarding the 2012 yearly calendar. The Mayan fact says that there is no time beyond December 2012. On the other hand scientists are proving their point to show that there is time beyond December 2012. So, the conclusion is difficult to draw. Rather it is better to wait till December 2012 to see what exactly will happen. Actually the calendar of 2012 does show a date as World Destruction Day. Some say this to be a rumor while other says that ancient scripture has mentioned the World destruction day. The yearly calendar will be available as online calendars, wall calendars and table calendars. Let us focus on the year 2012 without taking into consideration, 21 December 2012.
There are few important dates in 2012 which are worth mentioning:
January: The first Winter Youth Olympics will be held.
February: There will a Celebration of Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II.
May: Annular Solar Eclipse fall in May 2012.
June: Solar Transit of Venus of this century will happen in June 2012. The next similar event will happen in 2117 and 2125.
August: The Closing ceremony of Summer Olympics will be held in August 2012.
November: Total Solar Eclipse
Holidays in the 2012 yearly calendar.
Jan 2 New Year’s Day’ observed
Jan 16 Martin Luther King Day
Feb 14 Valentine’s Day
Feb 20 Presidents’ Day
Apr 8 Easter Sunday
May 13 Mother’s Day
May 28 Memorial Day
Jun 17 Father’s Day
Jul 4 Independence Day
September 3 Labor Day
Oct 8 Columbus Day (Most regions)
Oct 31 Halloween
Nov 6 Election Day
Nov 11 Veterans Day
Nov 12 Veterans Day’ observed
Nov 22 Thanksgiving Day
Nov 23 Black Friday
Dec 25 Christmas Day
The Zodiac prediction of 2012
Aries: The year 2012 will prove to be the most energetic year for the Aries. Have a disciplined plan for 2012.
Taurus: You are expected to see both ups and downs in 2012. Advice is not to get carried over by the mixed bag of goods and bad in 2012.
Gemini: The career related goals are likely to be achieved in 2012. A dynamic and excited year can be expected.
Cancer: The first quarter will be uneventful but you can expect enough events in the later part of the year. The most challenging year for this zodiac sign.
Leo: There can be few ailments in 2012. Setbacks will be faced by this zodiac in 2012.
Virgo: An interesting and promising year waits in 2012. All plans are expected to be fulfilled.
Libra: The year 2012 will be dominated by Venus and Neptune. So, you can expect success at home and office too. The last quarter will give you the most memorable days of your life.
Scorpio: 2012 will be the most eventful and memorable year. Handle happiness in a smart way to get double returns.
Sagittarius: Few strong beliefs and commitments will be fulfilled. Disappointments cannot let you down in 2012.
Capricorn: 2012 will bring contentment, happiness and encouragement
Aquarius: The year 2012 is the great year for this zodiac sign. Hence, success will follow you.
Pieces: A pleasant year for this zodiac sign.
Other views on 2012
There are many controversies with the year 2012. The year is marked as the end of time by the Mayan culture. Though, the Hindu scriptures depict a different picture. As per the Hindu culture, Lord Krishna marked this time as the end of Kali Yuga and he said that the Golden Age will come at the end of the same era. We can experience the Golden Age in 2012. The other view of the Mayan culture also says that the year 2012 will be the Golden Age. What surprises is the fact that the Mayan culture and the Hindu culture did not have any connection in between.
The Chinese culture has symbolized the year 2012 as the year of the Dragon. In this culture the dragon is considered auspicious unlike the western culture. So we are in front of dual thinking. The year can be a Golden Age, it can be auspicious again it can be the end of the world.
Scientists and scholars are researching on the topic but time will prove if 2012 can mark the end of time.
Zodiac role in 2012
The moon lies in the seventh place and Jupiter is in an alignment with Mars. The sign Aquarius is ruled by Uranus and the symbol represents water. As per astrology the year 2012 is the year for Aquarius zodiac. So, we can hope for the best to happen in 2012 and let us not panic if the year will bring an end to all existence.
The reason behind the anxiety of 2012
The 2012 yearly calendar has not marked the end of the world yet. But many believe that the end is not too far. There are few specific reasons for the same:
The believer of this theory says that the pole shift, geomagnetic reversal or the solar storm will destroy the world
On the contrary the oppositions say that these things like pole shift, geomagnetic reversal or the solar storm will not happen and they cannot destroy the world.
The anxiety will remain and we have to wait till December 2012 to see what exactly follows.
The Seduction of a Married Man
What is it about a married man that is so irresistible?
It must be something because so many women fall for it. Just this week I encountered two women who have slipped into the trap of fatal attraction for a married man. It is dangerous territory and I do not recommend that anyone go there. I speak from experience having invested part of my life in a relationship with a married man. Iam not writing about this subject to lecture or be judgmental or even to speak from my soapbox about what I know that you don’t. My intention is to expose the underhanded tactics, even if unintentional, of men and the naiveté of women that permits these relationships to flower.
What is it about women that make them susceptible to the charm and attraction of an unavailable man?
The unavailable man is very attractive to women who do not want to be controlled by a man. He can provide sporadic attention, sex, usually at regular intervals, definitely advice even when you don’t ask for it and gifts. You don’t have to live with him,which means no snoring, picking up after him, and usually freedom to comeand go as you please. The disadvantages include limited spontaneity,lack of availability on weekends and holidays and never being his number one priority.
This is not to say that men do not fall for married women. I am
certain that the statistics will support that almost as many single men fall for married women but the dynamic between themis much different than that of the single woman and the married man. Obviously, I have more experience with the married man syndrome.
Women in general are used to getting seconds.
What I mean by that is that women choose to settle for less than
what they want. Okay, I expect outrage from most of you who are
reading this but hear me out, please. In this country, men have the power. Look around you, how many women president’s do we have? How many in the Senate, Congress, CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies? How many women make as much money as men do? Consider teaching and nursing, two professions primarily occupied by women, what percentage of men are in the profession and what percentage ofthose are in charge? How many men choose to stay home with thchildren while their wives work and support the family? You get the idea. Granted there are many more women in positions of authority, in medicine, the law, entrepreneurs,real estate, finance, business than ever before, but if you are going to be honest with yourself, it’s still a man’s world. This is okay.
We can live with the fact that men run the world, because women run relationships.
Women, you really are in charge of relationship even if you don’t know it. You just need to raise the bar a little on what youexpect from your relationship. What I mean by women being used to settling is they don’t ask. Let me give you an example. A woman friend of mine works for a big company; she uses her own computer and pays for her own Internet access even though the majority of her computer usage is for her work activities. She has asked the men who run the company to be reimbursed for the cost of her computer andInternet access and has been denied. Her first inclination was to accept this, until she realized: How many men who use a computer in their job, use their own computer let alone pay for their Internet access? Men expect to be provided with the tools that they need to do their job, women provide their own tools and accept it when they are denied reimbursement. Where does this willingness to be used originate? I think that it originated when women first began to invade the workplace. Women weren’t greeted with open arms when they first arrived in the workplace. In order to be accepted, they worked twice as hard, longer hours, tolerated abuse in many ways that a man never would and were eager to please, seeking approval and acceptance by over responding. (Actually, women were welcomed in the workplace during World War II but only because men weren’t available. When the men returned, the women were expected to go back home where they belonged.)
Much of women’s acceptance of second-class treatment is their own fault, because they don’t even ask for it to be different.
Okay, I am a little off the subject of married men, but let me
follow this through to the connection. Let’s look at a wife. The
majority of wives work these days, they also are the primary
childcare provider, and most of them do most of the housework and laundry and cooking and shopping as well. They are also expected by their husbands to be sexy and ready for a quickie at the drop of his pants. Women do all this because they put these standards on themselves. They still expect that they have to do more and do it better because they are women. So where does a woman cut back? Usually it is in paying attention to her husband’s primary needs. A man needs sex and most married men will tell you that the amount of sex that they get dwindles after marriage and especially after children. In addition, the amount of time that a woman has to devote to the nurturing, acceptance, approval and attention to her husband decreases proportionately with the addition of children, job responsibilities and a bigger house.
So this leads us to the plight of the married man.
Who is the married man? First of all he is a man. Men are results oriented. Men have a lot of testosterone. They aren’t good at deciphering what women want, especially their own wives.The married man used to run his own life. He came and went as he pleased; he watched or played baseball whenever he wanted. He lived his own lifestyle. He could have his woman withhim whenever hewanted and she would pay all of her attention to him. Now he is marriedwith a couple of kids, a mortgage, a job he has because it pays themost, not because he loves it so much and a wife who used to cater to him exclusively who now has to divide her time between him, the kids, the house and usually her job. There was a commercial on TV not too long ago that shows a man thinking about his studly single days and how sexy he was in those days, with a child in a stroller. He is playing with his child and shopping in the grocery store and a woman is talking to her friend who comments he doesn’t even know how much more attractive he is now than he was when he was a stud.
Men are pretty unconscious about what makes them attractive.
According to most women it is not their looks that make them
attractive, it is who they are and how they produce in the world. So this married man goes to work and comes home and goes back to work the next day. At work there is this woman. She is single, attractive, smart, capable, speaks his language andsomeone who has time to pay attention to him. It starts as an innocent flirtation. What goes through his mind is something like “Let’s see if I still have it!” so he starts flirting just to see what happens. Not a surprise, she responds to the flirting by flirting back.
This is the beginning of the affair.
In his mind he is flattered, it is fun, and exciting and just a
little bit naughty. What could be more harmless? I’m married.I’m
safe. I can just have a little fun with this. So it continues.He
thinks he can just experiment a little. Let’s see how charming and creative I can be. Let’s see if I can get this woman to fall for me. In his mind it is not cheating. He hasn’t done anything wrong. In the beginning, he even tells his wife about this woman. He tells her about how smart she is or about some accomplishment, usuallywhat made him notice her in the firstplace. Wives usually miss the first clues. The thought of the effect of his harmless flirtation onthe single woman does not even enter his consciousness. So the harmless flirtation continues. It makes the married man feel good. He is happier at home and everything seems hunky dory. He tells the woman his wife doesn’t understand him, she doesn’t have time for him, or she just is cruel to him and the other woman becomes his confidant and starts to believe that he really has no choice in the matter. He needs her because his wife is so … whatever.
He now has both a wife and family and a woman on the side.
Recognize that this process may take several years and several
different women before anything actually happens in the way of an
affair. After several years of living a separate life from his wife while they live under the same roof, a married man is ready for a real affair. The reality is that an affair will occur whether it is an emotional or physical affair or even a cyber affair. No matter which way it goes, what occurs takes away from the married relationship.
What is true about the woman who gets involved with a married man is that she is looking for attention and affection.
Most likely she is not looking for a married man with whom she is plotting to have an affair. There are a few predatory women out there who do just that but the majority of affairs start out
naively. She is likely to have been previously hurt in a
relationship. She may or may not know that the man is married. What occurs first is she recognizes that he is paying attention to her. He may just listen to her. It may just be a momentary encounter where their eyes meet and a connection is made. They may be working together on a project and either of them may distinguishthemselves in some way. What initially happens is likely to be chemistry. What happens after that varies, however, it usually follows this pattern.
When the woman discovers that he is married, she will make it clear that she doesn’t have relationships with married men.
That is the signal for the man to go into conquest mode.
He will pursue her possibly for years because he enjoys the chase. She will continue to refuse his advances as long as she cantolerate it or until he catches her at a weak and vulnerable moment. If she has a good relationship in her life, chances areshe can outlast him, but if she is single, available or married and unhappy, she will eventually succumb. Why? Because the man is so charming, heis wonderful, he is a knight in shining armor, he is a hero, he is this wonderful dedicated family man who is wonderful with his children and attentive to his wife. So the woman asks herself what is she doing?
She continues to say no and the more she says no, the more
aggressive and charming and attentive he gets. This is the ultimate male challenge, to win over a woman who is saying no even though he knows she really is attracted to him.
A married man will work harder than any available man to make a
woman fall in love with him.
He will be more charming, loving, attentive and wonderful than a
woman can imagine that any man can be. So what happens next is this woman who finally surrenders to her feelings for this man, asks him to leave his wife for her. The response from him will almost inevitably be one of two, but I’m married and I’ll neverleave my wife or yes, I’ll leave my wife, but not yet (she’s not ready,my children are too young, I can’t afford it yet, my mother won’t approve etc.) Initially the woman will respond with anger. “If you love your wife what are you doing with me?” Here is the clincher that finally hooks the woman, he is committed to his wife and the woman buys into his honorable dedication to his wife and thinks if only I could have a man who loves me like that.
It is at this point in their relationship that the woman’s final act of settling may occur.
Either she will end it and go off to nurse her broken heart,
wondering how he could have been so wonderful and such a heel atthe same time, or she will continue the affair and settle forbeing the other woman in his life. Either way the woman is damaged. The man will go back to his wife who was either completely unaware of the romantic drama or who also chooses to settle by living in denial of his infidelity. Then life goes on.
The other woman plays a significant part in the perpetuation of this man’s marriage.
She makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable
situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage
that doesn’t satisfy him. That marriage situation can range from
boredom to outright contempt, but a man won’t leave his marriage
until his wife has dismissed him, either consciously or
unconsciously. She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife. Therefore, the wife wins, if you can call it winning to stay ina relationship with a cheating man.
The purpose in discussing this at all is to emphasize the fact that women settle and men will cheat because they can. So, women, if you want your man to be faithful, you must pay attention and never settle for less than what you want no matter what the cost.
The essence of marriage is commitment. Why get married if you are not willing to commit to loving someone exclusively? The way that I see it, you don’t have to get married to be together, so why do it if you don’t mean it? I was married for 23 years and was strongly in favor of the concept of a renewable marriage license, similar tohow one renews a driver’s license. The point of that beingthat at least very 3 or 4 years people who were married to each otherwould have to take a look at whether they still wanted to be with their spouse. If people were honest about their feelings, it certainly would take a chunk out of the 50% divorce rate.
On a more serious note, however, I really don’t see any point in
getting married unless you are marrying someone with whom youhave sexual chemistry that you love totally, that you trust implicitly, and that you would rather be with than anyone else who alsofeels the same about you. That feeling of total trust isvery rare and itneeds to be nurtured. It’s also good if you have similar values and goals in life. If and when you find someone that meets all ofthe above standards, you probably couldn’t imagine wanting to bewith anyone else. That spiritual bond can be so strong andso valid that it would be out of the realm of possibility to violate it.
It is impossible to ever have that kind of trust if you enter a
relationship that originated with someone cheating.
So what happens to destroy that original bond? It is the woman’sjob to provide the appetite for pleasure and the direction for therelationship. This does not relieve men of any responsibility for it is their job to surrender to their woman’s power and to produce results for her based on what she requests. So, in a relationship that is working the woman must continue to raise the bar for her man and believe in him. What does that mean? That she wants a bigger house, more expensive car, more children? Not necessarily although thosethings may be part of the picture. What it does mean is that she raises the standards of paying attention even when life is busy. It means that they make time for sex even when they don’t have time. It meansthat each one of them stay vulnerable with each other even whenhe/she has done something that embarrasses them or is wrong.
In my marriage, I did it all wrong. I doubted his production,
thought I could do things better than him and lost my ability to
believe in him. When that happened, he quit producing for me and we spiraled downward into total mistrust of each other and
unwillingness to be vulnerable. I kept settling for less than what I asked for and he kept producing only what I believed he could produce. I just didn’t know any better.
It’s a fragile bond that must be protected and as far as I can see what will protect the bond of love is a woman expressing her
appetite that requests more than the man thinks he can produce and then even more vital is that she approves of him and believes in him until he produces it. The most significant element of maintaining a love relationship that works is that both parties must pay attention to each other and to what is happening in the relationship. Going to doubt or settling for less than what she wants is the beginning of the destruction of the delicate balance of the man/woman relationship. In this model of relationship, men and women are regarded as different entities with different needs. It relies on using the sex act as the metaphor for relationship, symbolizing men as producers and women as receivers.
There are no victims.
How to End Your Story
The last thing you want to do is create an ending or dénouement that struggles in its conclusions. Ultimately, a story’s ending should conclude the story’s plot and theme satisfactorily to the reader. According to Ansen Dibell, author of Elements of Fiction Writing: Plot, successful endings come in two basic shapes: 1) circular and 2) linear. In a writing workshop I recently participated in, Patrick Rothfuss, author of The Name of the Wind, demonstrated two kinds of endings using his hands: for the first kind he clenched his fists in front of him; for the second kind, he opened his hands airily toward his audience. The kind of ending you choose for your story will depend on the kind of story you are telling: one that rises to a climax or one that returns home.
Circular Endings
Beginning and ending connect in a circular story. In such a story, the end and the beginning are much more alike than they are to the middle. This is because the end reflects the promise of the beginning. Framed stories use the same technique, except the beginning and end “frame” are more like bookends, supporting the story from the outside and made of a visibly different structure (e.g., often portrayed in prologue and epilogue fashion and often in different POV, tense, style, etc.).
Circular endings, and their circular stories, are often the shape that quest-adventure stories take on. The main character sets out on a quest to find or learn or accomplish something, passes through trials, and finally succeeds in his mission and returns home with his prize to share (often insight or wisdom). Ultimately, the protagonist grows/changes/achieves then brings that wealth back home to alter his pre-existing everyday life. Full circle. Beginning and end mirror and contrast one another.
Circular endings must do the job of showing the hero’s “homecoming”, how she is changed through the turning point in the middle of the story, and what she has brought to the ordinary world to change it.
Linear Endings
Linear stories and their endings run more like a marathon up a hill, with slides, diversions and hard climbs, until they reach the summit and climax (the highest point of conflict-and resolution). Once the result of the conflict is achieved, the story is at an end. Most straight adventure stories are of this type.
Reflective vs. Narrative Ending
Roy Peter Clark, author of Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies for Every Writer, reflects that “great endings bring back the whole story.” He cites the “reflective ending” of The Great Gatsby, in which the narrator reflects back, pulling together the important narrative threads like a master weaver, to make meaningful conclusions.
“A powerful alternative,” adds Clark, “is the ‘narrative ending‘, a final scene that crowns the action.” Both types of ending work when masterfully handled. The former is essentially “telling” and the latter is essentially “showing”. You choose. Both work.
Free Reverse Cell Phone Lookup Websites – Do They Exist?
Is it really possible to run a free reverse cell phone lookup on the internet? Many of us have become disillusioned and frustrated in the past with websites which appear to offer free products or services online but in fact do not. Is this the case with cell phone lookups?
Firstly let us examine exactly what we mean by a phone number lookup. If you have in your possession a residential phone number but no idea who the number belongs to or what address it relates to you can use a “reverse lookup” service to find out those details. This can obviously be very useful in situations where you have lost contact with someone but still have a record of their phone number, or simply wish to verify who owns the number before mistakenly phoning the wrong number. There are many places you can perform such residential and business phone lookups online for free, including toll-free numbers.
However a problem arises when you need to run a reverse lookup on a cellular phone as the free directories do not contain any such numbers. Similarly they do not contain fax numbers as this information is only held by the carriers and telecommunications companies. Do these records exist, and are they free?
The good news is there are websites which claim to offer large numbers of cell phone numbers, but they are not free. These websites naturally have to pay for access to some of this information, and go to the considerable trouble of pulling all the various resources together in one place, and as a result you will be charged a small fee before you can access the lookup databases. However the fee is a one-off payment and with some websites you can run as many searches as you like once you have access, with others they offer a single lookup for a lower fee. The records they claim to offer include cell owner details, address history, carrier details, and the phone connection status. It is also worth noting that the databases offered by each company differ to some degree, but most include cell phones and often residential, business, toll-free, even pagers, and these websites say your searches are guaranteed legal and confidential.
In addition to reverse lookups there are also similar websites which offer access to information such as background checks and background reports, people finder databases, bankruptcies, liens, public records databases including births, deaths, marriages, divorces and adoptions, sex offender records, police records, and much more. These sites operate in the same way, offering access to specific types of information for a set fee, however it should be noted that you will not receive access to such information as part of your cell phone lookup site membership.
I have seen websites claiming to offer free cell lookups, but they always lead eventually to the paid sites in the end, even allowing people to search for free and then charging to view the results. It is the sad truth that the only place where you are likely to find detailed reverse cell records is within the legitimate paid directories. In conclusion, the answer is no, free cell phone lookups do not currently exist. However if you really want to access such records then I believe paying a small fee is a price worth paying.
10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship
1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What’s up? Why is he doing that? He’s never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn’t mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!
2. Inform your significant other when you become “unpredictable.” No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven’s sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, “I really don’t know what is going on in me right now, but I’m moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!”
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here’s a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, “How do I look?” (And she’s wearing a dress you don’t particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, “You look great.” You don’t really mean it and a part of her knows you really don’t mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal – we all have done something similar – but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here’s how to match the words with the nonverbal: “I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She’s not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She’s not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: “But, I don’t want to hurt him.” A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn’t trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. “Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!”
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn’t talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can’t trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I’m not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known – loudly. Be a little – no, be a lot – self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here’s a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to “win him back.” So she begins an all out effort to “work on the marriage.” She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to “be nice” and meet every need he ever said he had. She’s going to “fill his tank with goodies.” Doesn’t work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels “smothered” or maybe even resentful: “Why is she doing this NOW!” She’s hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive – if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine – just doesn’t work. It’s perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn’t say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so “nice and caring?” Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: “I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?” He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, “What about my needs?” You respond, “I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly.” Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn’t you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn’t that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are – loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you’re like most of us, you haven’t given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don’t you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don’t you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You’re concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn’t destroy trust. But it doesn’t create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don’t stop, you demand they stop. If they don’t stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don’t speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won’t fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don’t people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your “quiet center,” remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.